Mom Enough?

So I am sitting here, in my sweatpants and under my blanket recovering from some sort of flu that Laurie and I must have caught.
Uhh, it was awful! We spent the whole day yesterday laying in bed all achy and sore. I wonder how many hours I slept. Today we are feeling better, just a bit of a sore throat and tire muscles.


For as we should have learned already, we are not indestructible... 
But even in this sickness I am thankful, because God has many more situations and lessons to teach me, and mold me.


It was hard for me to settle down and be sick. I wanted to fill all the needs we usually do, but I was surely sick. 
I remember if ever my mom spent the day in bed, everyone knew she was really sick. Because she always had things to do-a full time job!


During all my time laying in bed I had a bit of time to pray and think of all that the weeks have held. 
And my new "job". 
As I look back on these weeks, I sit and wonder how I have made it this far.
 I look back on all the grace God has poured out to my weak and faulty self, and all the areas I am so unprepared for.
God has been so good to us keeping us safe and healthy, and emotionally fit so far. I praise Him for His goodness.


It is hard to keep everyone up to date for so much can happen in one day it would be impossible to chart all the grace I receive!


I can testify of how I am confident of the Lord wanting me here- specifically at the Village- and guiding me.
I can really tell how God has so specifically called my focus the the children here. I am consistently surrounded by these thirteen kids. My days are not easily distracted from meeting the needs right in front of me, and my heart is starting to feel like this is home.


I, all of the sudden now am not just a twenty year old girl just doing whatever; but a mom of thirteen, a sister, friend, teacher, and an example.


Laurie and I spend our time helping with homework, bible lessons, and sorting clothes, but 90% of our energy is spent as housemothers when the full time mothers have days and weekends off( that is what this weekend was supposed to be until we got sick...).


And let me tell you, I have a whole new respect for my mother!
 I must admit, I have no idea what I am doing! I did not realize the job of motherhood and the consistent call to change a dipper, clean the floor, teach a child, and get so little of sleep. It is a consistent call put others before yourself. 
And I am learning that it is one of the biggest, and most hands-on way of discipleship.
It is a life you don't have time to strategies, but moment by moment needing to seek God for wisdom and guidence.


It is such a joy. I new joy of giving of one's life-pouring our- and loving a child.


And sometimes it is just hard ( as my mother reads this, and laughs at my "revelation" :) )


Sometimes I just look at the needs, and then look to myself and just think "you are not enough"...


And that is because I am am not! 


I am not mom enough to teach a child to read with patiences. I am not mom enough to clean up a dipper explosion all over the floor; not mom enough to understand when to correct or when to listen. I am not mom enough to understand why a teenage girl won't speak to you. Not mom enough.


"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."-2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I do not have the wisdom to meet even the simplest of MY needs! But this is where the grace flows, and where I have reason to rejoice!
I rejoice because I was never called to be all that!


God never called me to be saturated to these needs for me to meet. Me being "not enough" is nothing new to my Heavenly Father. And so God never called me to be "mom enough" but he did promise that He is and always Has been GOD ENOUGH!

 I am reminded of reality and truth.
I am not actually a mom, but I have such an opportunity to love these kids and lay down my life/ deny my wants, just as Christ lay down His life for me- Praying everything- so I don't have be me enough, but that Jesus MORE than enough.

"This war isn’t about me being mom enough.

 This war is about God being “God enough.”

Is God “God Enough”?Five loaves and two fish feed thousands. A shepherd boy takes out a giant. A king who commits adultery and murder is called “a man after God’s own heart.” A pagan prostitute bears the bloodlines of Jesus. A man dead and buried for days inhales fresh life. An outcast, stained with a continual flow of blood, is healed with the touch of a tunic. The wind and waves are stilled. The sting of death is vanquished, the curse removed forever.God is, always has been, and always will be, God enough. The battle is over whether or not I will believe it, whether or not I will delight in God’s enough-ness.Mom EnoughAnd somehow, in God’s mathematics of grace: Mom (never enough) + God (infinitely enough) = Mom enough.Mom enough to believe and to be called Chosen, Daughter, Righteous, Honored, Heir, Forgiven, Redeemed."- an article from a missionary in Africa for 12 years