What Am I Doing?

:: The Real Deal  :) ::  

  This is my first real post! The first publish of how I am doing, and how God is working specifically in my heart towards my new South African life.

This is the week everyone has been asking me how excited I am to finally be a missionary in Africa. Funny how that works, because this is the week I wasn't so sure how to answer that question.

I can not tell you have truly overjoyed I am to be going to be used in this way! I am so excited and certain that the Lord has called me to doing this work, and feel so blessed to do so. I also must admit, that I have also been asking myself, "what in the world am I doing?"...

I have around six weeks before I head over seas. That is so crazy! and I am a little scared... I am starting to understand the cost and worth of what I am going to be leaving home for.

:: This Costs::

  I won't lie, this week I have been saddened by the thought of leaving; realizing what I will be missing while I am away. Maybe I am just being a baby, but I'm realizing how quickly my nephews will grow up in eight months, how far away I will be from my family, and everything familiar. I am sad because I understand the value and worth of all that I love here. So, the value of these things becomes a cost when exchanged for something different.


These are all natural feelings because I am leaving good things. However, it is when Satan gets into my emotions and tempts me to fall into unbelief. 

  The other night I had a bit of a break down... I keep forgetting how hard the devil is going to try and make me feel like this is not what I should be doing or that I can be used. I had a moment when I only saw how much this is going to cost. I thought to myself "what in the world I'm I doing? I am going to  miss all these things! and I love these things, I don't know about all this Lord.".
 I don't know what I was expecting, or maybe I just misunderstood when Jesus said it would cost to be  his disciple; he said there would be requirements. 


“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.  Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.  Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.- Matthew 10:37-39


He also said he was trustworthy.


::Oh Yeah...::
  I am so thankful for that moment of weakness when I really didn't know why I would give all these things up. I am thankful because it helped me understand the value that I have!- value that becomes cost when exchanged-  and the cost that it takes, to find the great WORTH of that cost!


Like in Matthew 10 those who lose their life find it. 
I am losing my life. 
Christ lost his life on the cross, that I would find life!


Christ is the worth of all this is going to cost, and he declare to me that it is WORTH the cost!
Jesus is worth this because he is worthy.


I was so encourages by this Psalm 145. I couldn't separate any of it, because it spoke to every worry, fear, question and feeling I have been feeling this week, so I had to post the whole thing. 


Please remember me in your prayers; being reminded that these are proclamations of praise to a Worthy King and Savior, that the Devil does not like and will try to stop.


Love, 
Mal


::A psalm of praise Of David::


 "¹ I will exalt you, my God the King; 
   I will praise your name for ever and ever.
² Every day I will praise you
   and extol your name for ever and ever.
   his greatness no one can fathom.
⁴ One generation commends your works to another;
   they tell of your mighty acts.
⁵ They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
   and I will meditate on your wonderful works.^[b]
6 They tell of the power of your awesome works—
   and I will proclaim your great deeds.
⁷ They celebrate your abundant goodness
   and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
   slow to anger and rich in love.
   he has compassion on all he has made.
¹⁰ All your works praise you, LORD;
   your faithful people extol you.
¹¹ They tell of the glory of your kingdom
   and speak of your might,
¹² so that all people may know of your mighty acts
   and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
¹³ Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
   and your dominion endures through all generations.
   and faithful in all he does.^[c]
14 The LORD upholds all who fall
   and lifts up all who are bowed down.
¹⁵ The eyes of all look to you,
   and you give them their food at the proper time.
¹⁶ You open your hand
   and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
   and faithful in all he does.
¹⁸ The LORD is near to all who call on him,
   to all who call on him in truth.
¹⁹ He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
   he hears their cry and saves them.
²⁰ The LORD watches over all who love him,
   but all the wicked he will destroy.
   Let every creature praise his holy name
   for ever and ever.

 ³ Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; 
 ⁸ The LORD is gracious and compassionate, 
 ⁹ The LORD is good to all; 
   The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises 
 ¹⁷ The LORD is righteous in all his ways 
 ²¹ My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. "- Psalm 145