An Emotional Dummy?

Today I was reminded of a quote that I have loved. Because as a girl I can be thrown around, day by day, by a war of emotions. That was today for me... Today I have been an Emotional Dummy. At least I am feeling like those dummies for car crash testing. Or maybe the fact that I FEEL all these ways is just making me, the opposite of a smarty pants. But it all just goes to show, no area of your life is left unchallenged to walk obediently, and in a manner that is worthy to the calling we have received in Christ.

I am so thankful for the emotions God has created us with.
Emotions are a response, they make us human (created in the image of God) they move us to do things, and they are a deeper form of who we are. Just imagine worship without feeling. 

I used to think that emotions were bad.  But God has given them to us as a tool and a gift. It is when our emotions slip from being a response to truths, and turn making us believe them truth in themselves- that is when we are on slippery ground.

God gave us the wonderful gift of emotions, for the sake of His Kingdom, and to reveal His character, and -as  The Church- to show Jesus' compassion (Isaiah 54:7-8), share His joy (Jesus speaking John 17:13), and even His intercession in prayer (Romans 8:26-27). 

But there is a battle with emotions because like I lion roaming around seeking someone to devour; the devil is pretty sneaky slipping in to trip you up.
Emotions are not what I will build my hope on, for they are like shifting sands; when they shift, I fall. They are not stable. I need a firm foundation to respond to.  I will build my life on The Mighty Rock, the unchanging truth, of Jesus Christ, and His grace for me, and my ever changing emotions. 



I will chose to cast aside tempting emotions that can cause me to sin, or miss out of the joy of worship, and I will hold fast to the steady word of God, the faithful Rock of Ages! God is my steady grasp when the war of emotions bog me down, or try to make me stumble.

I will chose to stand firm, being thankful for the emotions God has given me, but resist the devil from trying to manipulate them away from being good, and true.

                   Where to Hang Your Soul                                      

"Every Sunday morning in our church we repeat a creed. You know what it says." I believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, Maker of all things visible and invisible." There's a statement that has nothing whatever to do with my personal opinions or emotions . It's a statement of objective fact, accepted by faith, and when I stand up in the company of others Christians and repeat this statement I am not talking about myself at all. The only thing I am saying about myself is that I submit to these truths. This is where I stand, this is Reality.

   Very Often (nearly always, I'm afraid) when I come to church my feelings are uppermost in my mind. This is natural. We are human, we are "selves,"and it takes no effort at all to feel. But worship is not feeling. Worship is not an experience. Worship is an act, and this takes discipline. We are to worship "in spirit and in truth." Never mind about the feelings. We are to worship in spite of them.

... I take my position, I get my bearings. I need to do this often- more often, it seems, in these days when so many have altogether lost there bearings." - 

Elisabeth Elliot from Let Me Be a Woman

So that is where I am at today... A challenge, and a choice to worship, and obey in spirit (emotion) and in TRUTH.

And November has not gone quite like I had intended in productivity. For evidence of my attempts, I have started 4 posts, but just haven't gotten to it. But it is by grace I am saved, and sustained- AMEN to that- because I sure do need it. :)


Thank you for all your prayers!

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." -1Peter 5:7-11

November...

So it is now November.
I know a lot of things have been happening in the States. Whether that be enjoying all the no-shave-november participants, or the more likely, predominant "presidential bus" I know has been a main topic across the country.
I don't mean to be ignorant, or say that the politics don't matter, for I know they do indeed. I also don't mean to boast that I never had to answer a call to share what party I was in favor of, or watch any "approved by such-and-such" television adds, or even look at any lawn posters.

November was a different for me, because living in a different country, yet hearing all the ruckus of the month made me remember an Unshakable Kingdom. Everything that happens in the United States of America is not an earth shaking event. But there is a Kingdom that is!

Since being away, I have needed to be careful not to become too much of an American blasphemer. It honestly can become quite easy. Viewing on from a new perspective I can point out and see the falseness of this generation/age. It is also hard for me to be very interested because I really haven't been involved at all. It seems the same in many ways to me. I missed the hubbub of things. But I do have an idea of things, and it has brought a few thoughts to mind.

I am just reminded of our tendency to try and make our heaven on earth; making up a home, that is not heaven. We look for the unshakable, and fight for a security, but there is no such thing except for Jesus Christ.

November for me has been a time hungering for home, my real home in heaven.

Another unmet goal was to try and take a picture for everyday of the month. As you can see my ideas don't always happen seeing as there are only three days accounted for. :P oh well...

"I Shall Not Be In Want..."

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want." -Psalm 23:1

Here are some pictures taken at the Younger Kid's House.

These words have been running through my head for the last four weeks. I think at least once a day they come to mind. Only one sentence, yet in this one sentence holds three powerful, and grounding truths, for me to live my life.

Psalm 23  is one of those "popular" chapters in the bible. It is one of those chapters pretty much every adult has spoken hundreds of times throughout their life. One that as rich as it is, is found in  habit of being chanted off  in monotone without giving a thought to WHY it is this chapter of the bible was taught to me.

 It seem that I have become quite good at having words fall out my mouth effortlessly and without a thought. I have become a skilled memorizer of truths like psalm 23 but missed out on being a learner of the truths.

This last month has been a time where God has been showing me he wants a student, not just memorization.

September 18th was my half way mark for my time in South Africa. At that half way mark I said goodbye to my dear friend and companion here: Laurie, when she retuned home to the States at the end of here time here.

It was weird watching someone you have spent the last four months with hop on a plane.

We would always joke about being like a married couple, because maybe like married couples are, we spent pretty much ALL our time together apart from maybe 15 min in the bathroom in the mornings. :) So, as could be expected watching her leave was hard. Because all that time I spent with her would mean, not only not having my friend and helper around, but I would also be doing all these things alone.

I wasn't too thrilled about that, but we both knew that when we were planning to come to South Africa together and it was decided that I would be staying four months longer, we knew that God would have a purpose for me in that "alone" time.

As muh as I said I was excited for that time the Lord had prepared for me, I was also kind of scared and         unsatisfied with the idea for it would force me to depend upon the Lord in a lot more areas of my life, that people usually fill.

As I  anticipated, I grumbled, and pouted; showing that I really didn't accept this time that the Lord had planed as good, even if I said I did.

There I go again, chanting words carelessly without the learners heart, or ears attached.

But the Lord, pressed in upon that knowledge to penetrate my heart with the truth of who He is.



"The LORD is my shepherd.
I shall not be in want."

I will not be wanting.
The Lord is my shepherd, I will be satisfied in Him. 
He will not leave me or forsake me. He will not leave me thirsty.  I will not be lacking anything that I need. 

Now the question is, will I take God at His word and actually believe He is what says He is? My shepherd who leads me beside still waters, and restores my soul? Will He lead me in paths of righteousness in South Africa, even if I struggle? Even when I mess up? 

Is that my fear? 

He is a faithful and loving shepherd. Not ONE of His sheep- His stupid, brainless, wondering sheep- does He leave. The Parable of The Lost Sheep LUKE 15
I do not need to fear for God is will me leading me. 
And it says that this is for HIS name's sake (vs. 3). So that we might look upon the Good Shepherd, and worship-to make His name great among the earth. 

 I am one of those foolish, foolish sheep that keeps on wondering around trying to find water. When the LORD God all mighty leads me to the water I need for my tired, thirsty soul(vs.2). He is the LORD. 
I don't just have any shepherd. But the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY (Tjo! Take a second to consider that!) leads me. The God of Abraham, Jacob and Isaac.


 So, whether I chose to believe it or not Psalm 23 holds the truths of life that do not alter depending on my situation or feeling. God has given us His word in the Bible that we may learn of His character and the truth of is Name.

The truth is, Lord is my shepherd I WILL NOT be in want in South Africa. Because in Christ is the only source of all humanities satisfaction. And He will Lead me. My feet will not stumble. I shall not fear, for no matter what comes along, the Lord is with me( vs.4).

( I did not take this photo, but it was found in the public domain of google images)

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."- Pslam 73:26

What a shame the mindless chanting, and praise-less doing; But I am so thankful for the word of God teaching me, even the oldest lesson, a new application and call to faith. 


PSALM 23

The Lord Is My Shepherd 

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
³     He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
    for his name's sake.

⁴ Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,^[c]
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Pictures

 Looks like I have been hiding some of the things we like to do here in South Africa.  You know the saying " a picture is worth a thousand words" if this be true, I must have a lot to say :) But I'll let the pictures speak for themselves this time. Enjoy! And praise the Lord for all the ways He has been at work in Restoring Hope Village; caring for and equipping these kids with the news of grace in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He has been at work in this place! Not to us Lord, but to Your name be the glory.

Spent a  fun day trip to an Amusement Park in JoBurg!

Dumpie and Sabanga think they are cool... :)

Monica love to draw in my journal when she sees me writing in it.  I love to look at the masterpieces I am blessed with!

Tumelo

Paulina

Enjoying the new playground.

Sthembile- the little heart-breaker.

Mama Selina and Dieketseng

Rosy

Kamohalo

The Village! :)

Please keep Brian, Lois, Liam, Lindie, and Charley in your prayers as they are now in the US raising support, and visiting family.
Pray for Laurie, also now home in the US, pray for rest and peace while adjusting back to live in America.
And keep on praying for those of us who are still here- Missionaries, houseparents, and children. 

"You See Flowers in These Weeds"

It was just another day at the younger kids house. A normal Wednesday routine; Wash the kids, clean the house, feed the kids, clean the kids, wipe the tears, and feed the kids again.... Or so I thought. 

Yesterday was actually a different kind of day. A day where I find myself being sanctified.

And trustfully being sanctified by grace.

There has been another flu going around, it seems everyone at The Village gets a turn to enjoy the pleasure. Yesterday, the two youngest boys, Tumi and Sthembile, were the receivers of the stomach flu. 

So the day was not quite the same as every other. Still entailing the listed norm., we also filled the day with the tasks of caring for two sick little babies.

You know Tumi must really be sick when he doesn't want to eat.

I was hoping my motherly instincts would come out for  two reasons. I was praying (selfishly) that would be protected by the "Moms don't ever get sick" policy/ super-power all our moms seem to have; anticipating the week ahead where Laurie and I are house mothering Wednesday- Sunday evening (because I really don't want to be sick again.)  Also praying for the knowledge and energy to take care of two little sick ones, along with "The Terrible Two."

I was surprised at what came out of me that day. 

I found that God gave me just what I needed. He supplied me with the ability to care like a mother. 

As you may have guessed already, Laurie and I are back on the job as part time house mothers. We will be doing this together until Laurie leave in 13 days, then I will be taking the role, at least during the day times, on my own.

As I held the sick little baby, I was thinking of all the ways I have found a change in myself since being at Restoring Hope Village. I guess didn’t really know what all I was getting myself into :).  

I knew that house parenting was one thing we might do, but only God knew the plans He had in teaching me the transformation I would undergo in becoming like a mother to these kids. 

There are many ways I could, would, and have taken pride in having this title, or knowing the feelings of mother. The more I learn and do, the more I realize the shame doing so. I count noting my gain, if it does not first give glory to my Father, the One who is The Giver of all I claim as pure joy. For that is what true joy is- in giving the praise to God. 

I was thinking of all the motherly traits that seem to have come out of nowhere in me. Sure, I have taken care of few children before, and watched my mother and sister care for their own; but really, where does the impulse to put your own spit on your hand to clean snot off someone else's face come from?!?

I have found myself doing things like this, or thinking and feeling emotions I have only heard descriptions of from mothers.

I am tempted to be thankful for “mother's instincts” I hoped would come out of me as a woman, but am stopped by the unfulfilled truth in that.

 Yeah, when a woman learns to care for a child there is a different kind of love and tenderness that flowers in a new way from her, but I cannot too quickly count that as where this change has happened in me.

I am not to too quickly lay to waste the call for praise that I may joy in. For I know beyond anything, all that I have learned and developed in motherly care is from God the Father.

He is the one who has truly given me the care for these kids. God is the One who gives me the love of a mother to patently tend to a flu sick baby (mess and all), and the one who makes it joy to put aside the want to look good because you are no longer first priority in the morning. He is the One who is the example of loving parent.

It would be foolishness to count nature the reason for my change of heart. I know that God has given me this love, not for my own pride but for His name. For as I love,  I come as a servant of a great household- a kingdom of light that is unshakable- I come as a servant, doing only the work of their master, to show the glory of the Master’s household. 

A servant does not do anything that his master has not already told him to do. He has not anything his master has not given him; and the majesty of the house is not anything the servant can be accounted of giving towards. But the work of a servant is to labor, and work, and present the house as he has been commanded to do, so that when the time for the great household is presented the servants will be nowhere to be seen, but the glory of the master will be shown in full.

In the bible it teaches us that we are servants of the Most High God, for HIS glory!  

...and our joy.

For even Jesus- who was God Himself- did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant; He humbled Himself, and became obedient to death- even death on a cross... Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place... THAT at the name of Jesus, every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess, that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2)

Joy is the blessing, love is the fruit, peace is the preserver, but the magnification of our God - The Giver of all these- is the purpose! 

God's kingdom has never been in danger from losing its glory and never will. So my work and love are not dependent upon its richness, but I have found-since learning the things of a mother, and serving the Lord here at Restoring Hope Village- it is privilege to  work unto the Lord this way. My pride is not in being a "mom," but in serving the Lord. 

Let my pride be striped from me, and He, be higher lifted up.

I am being sanctified. It can be very challenging, but I see  that it is indeed by grace! 

And so sweet that grace is!

Yesterday, after the long and messy day of flu, the older kids got home from school, and we started to make supper. And it began to rain: one of Laurie and I's favorite things. We were winding down the day getting ready to leave- tired and a little worn- ready to go home.

 All day I had all these half thoughts, processing the book I just wrote above.  When, so sweetly we were blessed with joy.

The baby finally sleeping in your arms…a beautiful sky… mhhhm, the smell of rain… and Kamohelo digging something up in the muddy yard. 

Kamohelo brought to both Laurie and I a beautiful selection of yellow weeds, potted in an old mayonnaise jar.  The sweetest gift a girl could receive! 

And as I we finished up the day, this song went ringing through my head.

And so sweet was God's goodness shown to me!